I’m scared. I just returned from a two-week vacation with my husband – the first vacation I’ve taken since my head injury more than two-and-a-half years ago. Was it difficult? YES! Although I have always been hesitant to take medication, I was ever grateful for the pharmacy we just happened to walk into in New York City the day before flying to Europe, and for a neurologist who phoned in a prescription to help quiet my brain that felt like it would explode. The pharmacy we were standing in just happened to be the only pharmacy my insurance company was contracted with in NYC more than two-thousand miles from home. Coincidence? Some might say so. But I know otherwise.
I’ve spent the past two-and-a-half years learning to recognize God’s hand in my life – learning to take a step into the darkness without knowing where the path would lead. And now, though scared, I must trust again that God’s heavenly and earthly angels will surround me as I take another step.
While I was gone, my talented daughter finished editing my book, Hope after Suicide, which I wrote in a notebook line by painful line when I was unable to return to work after my head injury. I didn’t know how the story would end, but I knew beyond any doubt that penning my mother’s story would be my new work. So I picked up a pencil and stepped into darkness.
I now pick up the same pencil and write in the same notebook and pray that words will come. I pray that God’s angels won’t abandon me now that the cover is finalized and the book has been sent to print with a release date less than two months away. I pray that although I still can’t see the end of the journey, my way will be illuminated with each new step I take. Though scared to share my story with the world, I pray for heaven’s light.
