When I first crashed my bike and hit my head, I was determined to heal quickly and return to work. I did everything my doctors told me to do – no television, no exercise, no reading, no listening to music, no cognitive stimulation of any kind. I sat in the sunshine in my backyard and tried to quiet my mind. I visualized my brain healing and I determined I would be well.
Twelve weeks later, random sparks lit up my brain, flashing in rapid succession, without coordination. And a constant vibration emanated from my head and flowed throughout my body. Although I tried, I could not will my brain to work. The more I tried to ignore my brain and just “push through it,” the more the sparks flashed and my head vibrated. I could not fight it, and I learned, instead that I must acknowledge the pain. If I ignored it, it invariably got worse – to the point that I wondered at times if I would ever find relief.
This week, I was reminded again of the need to acknowledge pain. A six day migraine paled in comparison to the heartache I felt. Emotional pain brought on by circumstances that I was powerless to control. An invisible force squeezed my heart and I felt I would be crushed. I could not will my heart to stop hurting.
So instead I cried.
I felt the pain. I acknowledged the pain. And, in the dark silence, I held my heart.
Too often, we try to bury our hurts. I once buried a lifetime of hurts. But, acknowledging the pain, allowing our tears to flow unimpeded, allows us to begin to heal. And after the earth is cleansed by the rain, the sun surely does shine again.
