Tag Archives: Angels

Thank you, God…there are no coincidences.

mother headstoneThank you, God, for reminding me today that you see me. And you see Jim. And by your love you stitch a beautiful tapestry called life, bringing together, however briefly, the tiniest scraps of fabric to create the whole. Each seemingly insignificant moment becomes meaningful when we listen to the small whisperings of your voice directing us to act. And for that, I am grateful. And honored.

Today, Jim introduced himself to me after a Suicide Survivor Day event. He had reached out to me by phone over a year ago after reading my story of suicide loss in the newspaper. He explained at that time that he had lost his mom too. He was just four years old in 1952. After the brief phone conversation, I forgot about Jim. But you didn’t, God. You led him to Survivor Day. Jim didn’t know if I would be there, but nonetheless, he came prepared with the newspaper article of my story – and the newspaper clipping of his own story of loss all those years ago. He didn’t know I would be there. But you did, God. And you led me to bring a copy of my book, Hope after Suicide. The book you helped me write. I prayed to you that I might recognize the ONE – the one who needed to know that despite devastating loss, despite the loss of our beautiful mothers, there is hope. Hope to heal our broken hearts. Even 64 years later.

Jim had never met anyone else who had lost a mom to suicide or spoken to anyone who could understand. Sixty-four years ago, his dad didn’t explain. It wasn’t OK to talk about it then. But today, it is. Thank you, God, for reminding me.

And God, please heal Jim’s heart. Help him feel his mom close as he reads words meant to help him understand, meant to share hope despite heartbreak. Help him see your hand. Help him see that there are no coincidences. Help him see that you were always there. Help him know that you see him. And you see me.

And together, we are healed. By your love.

Thank you, God.


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Mom’s Visit

hobblecreek15Yesterday was Mom’s birthday, and she showered me with gifts when I visited her heaven on earth.

I drove down the little dirt lane toward the tiny house where children’s memories dart to life like the dragonflies that guard the crystal pond.

The river flows faintly now, weary from the long, hot summer; yet her banks remember the lively spring when she carried winter’s swift melting snow, depositing pebbles and sand – a diary of her once exuberant life.

I was met by a family of turkeys – eight or ten or twelve – who gathered together and slowly moved to the far side of the fence. They glanced cautiously towards me as they continued their elegant march through the golden field next door.hobblecreek1

There is safety in numbers.

I inspected the home – Mom’s little cabin – guarded by a squirrel who sat on hind legs with muscles taut and dared me to enter. And enter I did, just for a moment, then heeded Mom’s call to the other side. Across the river to the edge of the pond, heaven awaited. Still and reverent – and alive.

I sat quietly, without breath, and watched as the dragonflies came up to inspect this earthly creature – me – who had entered their celestial space. Their wings caught the sun like an angel’s would. Indeed, they were angels carrying God’s message to my heart. hobblecreek7 hobblecreek16 hobblecreek17

“Mom, won’t you come to me?” I cried silently as tears escaped my eyes.

I looked into the heavenly sphere which reflected earth’s brilliance – a mirror of all that is good. Mountains and sky and soft downy clouds reached across the pond to touch my feet and enter my heart.

hobblecreek10Across the pond, a family of six ducks slipped quietly into the glassy water. Gracefully they swam next to the water’s edge at the far end of heaven and crossed to the other side. Then one by one, never breaking the eternal line, they climbed up the bank in the same order they had entered into the crystal pool, and made their way out of sight to other adventures. I was reminded of my own family, bound together with love and light that reaches past this earthly realm into the next .

Mesmerized by the dancing dragonflies, I barely heard the rustle behind me. One step and then another tentatively approached the open clearing behind me.

I turned my head, wondering who had invaded my being. And my gaze met Mom’s. A beautiful doe looked straight into my heart. Waiting for my unspoken invitation, she took another step towards me. One step…two…three…and four. Ever closer she came, never once turning away her wide brown eyes which peered into my soul. In silence we sat. Love encircled us both, creating one.


As slowly as the doe had come to visit me, she left. Carefully and deliberately, looking back one last time to say goodbye.

Then silence.

“Mom, won’t you come to me?” I had cried.

And she did.

In Mom’s heaven.

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